Do I deserve these feelings?

Six years ago today, I got home from work, and was sitting across from my then-husband telling him about my day when his cell phone rang. At first, I didn't pay a lot of attention, then he said some things like "holy, shit" and "I love you, man," and hung up. It had been his... Continue Reading →

The Empty Seat at the Holiday Table

When the holidays are approaching and festivities are being planned, for families who have lost a member — which is a lot of us — we often think of the empty seat. Where a beloved person once joined in, a place is now vacant. In my case, it’s specifically the empty daybed at the edge... Continue Reading →

Congratulations! I’m sorry.

Sometimes it feels like everything that ever happened to me has compounded. As if the addition of all my life's wins and losses doesn't balance out; instead, it is more than its sum. And that this journey is one gigantic emotional roller coaster of highs and low. Grief can loom larger, and more dramatically. There... Continue Reading →

Going Back to College

For many years, I had the recurring dream that I had to go back to college — specifically Hampshire College — where I met my future husband and countless, enduring friends. Each iteration of the dream was a little different: I had the same roommate, but we had to find beds in a giant open... Continue Reading →

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